Day 23: The End

We made it. Family Meeting accomplished! Some of us made it in a more relaxed fashion than others. The Teen came home from swim practice and was ready to have the family meeting in her wet suit and drippy hair. Little Miss had been moaning about being sooooooo tired. Turns out, she perked right up when this all went down. Of course, the good doctor and I weren't too worried. Despite how often we are challenged - we are in charge. (At least in our own minds!)

I asked everyone to go around and say one good thing that came from our media free time. It took a minute, but everyone found something. I was glad to hear some of the things that had been on my list being shared from little mouths. I then asked everyone what they thought our next plan for media should be. I was really surprised that none of the suggestions were unlimited access for an unspecified period of time. I guess we really have stolen the hope and joy away from the kiddos. We settled on a slight version of our previous plan. No more than one hour of media a day - tv, computer, phone apps/social media, etc. That hour needs to be completed by 5:30pm when the parents arrive home from work. A cardinal rule... No complaining at 5:30pm. We shall see how long we last. The good doctor declared that from time to time we will take these breaks. I think that some people nearly had an apoplectic attack. "WHHHHAAAATTTT? This isn't over????" Oh, Rev, you always know how to close out a conversation.

We wrap up and the kids head off to shower and get ready for bed. Next thing I know, The Teen is milling around the door to my bedroom. I am contemplating all that I need to do before departing on my trip. The good doctor has worries of his own and was laying on the floor stretching/thinking. We finally notice her and she starts to cozy up to us. "Well, umm, do you think that maybe, I mean

maybe, I could just check Insta tonite. I mean, well, we've decided and everything, so I was thinking..." I couldn't help myself, I burst into laughter. The addiction is real. And, for those keeping score, the answer was, "Tomorrow is soon enough, dear."

See you all on the other side of South American travels!

Days 11-22: The Break

I'm back at work - and back online. "Officially." We survived the winter break without media access. There have been moments of angst here and there, but for the most part it has become a part of our family rhythm. There was a slight miscommunication between the Mother-ship and I and the girls did not spend the week at Grammie's house. As a result, there was a lot of time to consider our media-free status. Tonite is our family meeting to talk about what our future plan will be in the day to day. It will be interesting to see how it all works out once the brain trust assembles. If you feel a slight quake around the dinner hour PST, you will know that it has been settled.

As I look back on the last week and a half, here are a few reflections inspired by the two viewings of the best movie of the year:

• Trivial Pursuit Family Edition saved our hiney! (Thanks, KMac!) This was a new Christmas gift for the kids and it has been played almost daily. Faster paced that its predecessor, this one engaged ages 11-44 without complaining or sighing.
• I turned 43 last Tuesday. With the exception of the three messages I received from Facebook Messenger (I kept that app on my phone) and a handful of texts from my closest pals, I did not hear from "everyone". It was sort of like 10 years ago - when no one knew it was your birthday unless you told them. Social media has its pros and cons, but one thing I truly believe - birthdays are better with Facebook! I am looking forward to logging on in a bit. 
• Speaking of the FB, it has become a data source for me. Almost daily I went to my phone to look up where someone worked, the name of their middle child, etc. I am not sure that this is a bad thing, but it is certainly something to note.
• At one point, Little Miss whispered to me and the good doctor: "Don't tell anyone, but I kind of like this no media thing."
• Over these 11 days, we saw lots of friends and family. We took pictures and made memories. As I have known life before all moments of each day were shared online, this was fine for me. I suspect that The Teen has an arsenal of photos ready to upload to Instagram this evening. 
• The good doctor and I have gone to bed at a reasonable hour. The university shuts down for the week between Christmas and the new year, Rev had a few remaining vacation days. We had fun, full days. And, were in bed most nights by 10pm. (I am returning rested...)
• Some people in my world have changed a lot in these last few weeks. Being offline has taken me out of the world of new babies, engagements, losses. It has made me wonder about some friends from church that I haven't seen in a few weeks. It has left me lost in a few conversations where the group was talking about something I had no frame of reference to understand. Not so much a fear of missing out from me, but an affirmation that living on a ranch in the middle of nowhere is not going to be a life-fit for me.

Another experiment coming to a close. More news tomorrow. Happy New Year!

Day 10: FOMO

I think the tides are turning. The angst was lower yesterday. Little Miss spent the night sleeping over at the cousins home. Peace and joy seemed to be prevailing themes. Well, and the good doctor and I took The Teen to see the new Star Wars movie. (And, it was AWESOME!)

I've been thinking a lot about FOMO since we started this little activity in the Womack family. For those wondering, FOMO is the Fear Of Missing Out. It hasn't made it to Webster's yet, but if you

enter FOMO into your search bar, google has a full definition for it. Several years ago, I had a fraternity president that introduced himself with this as a defining characteristic. At the time, this was a new concept for me and I asked him to tell me what he meant. He shared that he was always up for doing anything with his friends because he never wanted to miss a great moment. He was able to identify that this sometimes meant studying and other relationships were secondary to him. I suppose I appreciated his direct manner, but really had pause to think when it became clear that "being in the heart of everything" was critical to his identity. We talked about it multiple times during the year we worked together. To those reading this that are not college-aged or younger, you may not be surprised to hear that he also ended that year single as a Pringle.

I know that this has been a source of angst for The Teen. Little Miss isn't on Instagram, FB, Snapchat, etc. But, The Teen likes to know what everyone is doing. FOMO isn't even about joining in, it's just about knowing. My almost 43 year old self can look at this situation with some distance and logic. At least once a week I publicly declare to someone, "Thank goodness the internet wasn't invented when I was a kid!" FOMO existed only in your imagination... Because we had no idea what was happening or where anyone was at any given moment. Meet at Ashley's at 7pm was the start of the evening. Curfew was the end. Anything in between was among those that were present. This worry that something was happening that we weren't a part of didn't exist with the same intensity. I try to not address this piece too much with The Teen. It is her reality.

The more significant part of FOMO to our family is the idea of being present. Physically (in the room), Mentally (not checking your phone, listening and talking with others), and Emotionally (not worried about or longing to be somewhere else). This is one that all four of us attempt to do better. Being attentive allows for the flash of emotion across Little Miss' face to be seen. It stops the car ride home from being 3 teenagers all looking at their phones. It allows others to feel important to you. It demonstrates love and commitment. It can make you the center of someone's world for that moment. We all know and acknowledge that fun things are happening in other places. And, we realize that we can also make our own fun by being present with those sitting right around us.


As Advent comes to a close, in the Womack family, we sharpen our focus. In this season, we focus on Hope, Preparation, Joy, and Love as we await the arrival of the Prince of Peace.

Day 9: Family Meeting Without A Net

Last night we celebrated my mother in law having her kitchen cabinets installed. This may not seem like cause for celebration in your world, but they are beautiful and this moment brings her one step

closer to living in her new house. After being dazzled in her kitchen, the five of us headed over to Oggi's for dinner. When the destination was announced, Little Miss immediately started pontificating about how there are televisions EVERYWHERE in that place. And, most importantly, that her sister would be sneaking looks! After several reminders that two parents were enough for The Teen, we set off.


I must admit, Little Miss was not wrong about the access to screens. Oggi's is a sports bar/restaurant, so this was not a surprise like it is in so many other places we frequent. (I feel like a chapter in the theoretical book I will someday write is going to be about how the need for human to human interaction is nearly obsolete.) The dining experience was peppered with loud reminders to not be looking at the televisions, but how could one avoid it? Then, the lightbulb went off. "Hey, I called a family meeting last night and we forgot to have it! Tonite. 8pm. Family room.", declared Little Miss.

There are moments in every parent's journey where you are looking for the nearest hole to crawl into. Those are contrasted with moments that shine. Well, put on your sunglasses - here comes the shine. We returned home and were summoned into the family room and asked to sit down. Little Miss then declared that there was "too much sneaking" happening in this family, herself included. More significantly, this had to stop so that we could all focus on being more kind to one another. While her delivery could have been a little softer and more controlled, she was earnest. I asked her what she was willing to commit to, personally. She thought for a moment and then delivered her commitment to the family. One by one, each of us made a promise to do better, be different. My little leader... 11 years old and already extracting promises from 40-somethings. Well done!

You may be wondering about the title to this post... Yesterday I got to work and got settled at my desk. I opened my handbag and there were the new prescription bottles for the Little Miss' ADHD medication. Ooops. And, the kids were at home all day with the good doctor as he worked from home  on the Christmas Eve message. Sorry, Kev. FHPC friends - don't worry about the quality of future messages... They were secured AT HOME for Day 10.

Day 8: Outed By Zayn

Sunday was rough. Perhaps the special treat of Jurassic Park whet the appetite, but everyone - and I mean everyone - was not in a good place. Little Miss had a friend stay over on Saturday and proudly reported on Sunday morning that she had stayed up all night long. WHHHHHYYYYY? Regardless of the many factors at play, the house was full of female grump-a-dumps. The arguing did not end until we were on the drive home from church (I know, the irony...) and Little Miss declares, "That's it! I'm calling a family meeting!" The car got quiet and I stifled my laughter. "Oh, really? What is our topic, Little Miss?" I catch her eye in the rearview mirror as she boldly proclaims, "This no media business is making everything worse! This family is being mean to each other and arguing too much! Your plan is not working!" The lecturette that followed was outstanding. It was enough to break the mood of snapping at one another for offenses like... breathing too loud. We pulled in the garage and I suggested that everyone take 20 minutes in their room to read, think, pray, draw. (I mean, in addition to the family meeting idea, this was a win.)

We all talked, went to dinner, talked some more, drove around to look at Christmas lights, and talked some more. What? Talking? This is outstanding! Then, it happened. Picture it - a family of 4 driving around La Mesa is their little Subaru station wagon. Hilary Duff Holiday playing on Pandora. Christmas lights and blow up characters being admired. The Teen asks, "Do you know what Dubsmash is?" Well, yes, since I showed it to you. (For those not "in the know" it is an app where you can have famous quotations play and you can film yourself so it looks like you are delivering the quotation in the voice from the movie or song.) "Zayn (formerly of the band One Direction) recorded the funniest Dubsmash. It was blah, blah, blah..." She finishes, Little Miss is into it, merriment continues. Mean Mom asks, "Where did you see that?" And, just like that... Outed  by Zayn. It took her about 3 more streets of lights to confess that she had "glanced at Instagram the other day." Yea - my draw to Zayn isn't that high. Sigh.

Day 9 will be the biggie. Home all day with Dad working from home, school not in session, and no media. As dear Effie says, "And, may the odds be ever in your favor!"

Day 6 & 7: The White Elephant Gift

Apparently this is going to "get better". We still aren't there, but I remain hopeful. Things were pretty busy around the Womack house on Friday evening - both girls had a Christmas party at church. As I shooshed them out the door, dressed as Red Fish and The Lorax, I breathed a sigh of relief. One more day. Done.

I was on pick-up duty from the party. I was pretty proud of myself, I managed to unload two pieces of junk worldly treasures in the annual white elephant exchange among the Jr High and Sr High group. There was a twinkle in Little Miss' eyes at pick-up. She couldn't wait to tell me that The Teen had "stolen" the Jurassic Park DVD series and they were now OURS! I suppose this is big news, but I saw the angst coming about 3 minutes out. On and on she went. "It was so cool; Tommy didn't see it coming; Everyone laughed; I knew she would get it; and WE CAN'T WAIT TO WATCH IT." Oh, wait you will, Little Ones. As we drove home, it dawned on her that watching it was not in her immediate future. It was as if we were in a cartoon and a storm cloud was only above our car. That stinkin' white elephant. He did it again.

In the excitement of The Teen's gift, Little Miss forgot to mention that she won two gift boxes of candy and a mug filled with chocolates. The next morning, I had an early hair appointment and Kevin went on a bike ride. We unplugged the modem (again) so the "sneaking" wouldn't be a temptation. There may have been some mental high fiving at being sharper than the kiddos. When I went to wake Little Miss up the post haircut/10:30am (Day 7), shiny candy wrappers surrounded her silky hair and a Christmas mug balanced on the post of her headboard. Ahhhh. I then turned and nearly tripped over her middle-school issued laptop on her floor. Hmm - neither of these items were present upon tuck the night before. Seems that Little Miss had crawled out of bed in the middle of the night, gathered a "snack" and some entertainment. No need to unplug anything. In the middle of the night, she apparently found the end of the internet and then went to sleep. And, the fast begins again.

We tried to keep busy throughout the day. I must admit, there was less asking for media than in previous days. Since it was Saturday, the good doctor suggested watching one of the new Jurassic Park movies. I agreed and there may have even been some family bonding. Evening closed out with some Barbie playing and laughter. We are close. So close I can almost smell it. Media free living - we're coming for you.

Day 5 - Busted

Yup, it happened. The Womack Family endeavor had a little bump in the road. One member was caught on Netflix during this "media free zone" of our lives. Busted. To me there is only one part of the word "busted" that strikes fear in my heart. And, it is being busted by your kids. The following tale is exactly what happened. Well, according to my overly dramatized imaginative self.

Yesterday we were gathering our things to leave for school. The Teen had already left for her .2 mile walk, so Little Miss and I were collecting our bags, finding shoes, etc. All of sudden she comes running into the kitchen. "Mom, when you said 'no media', I though that was for all of us! Right?" I confirmed her understanding. Two hands immediately met were hips would be if she had them and with all of the indignation she could muster, "Well, then why is DAD watching a movie in the garage?!?!?!" Busted. I assured her that he was not, she assured me he was. I told her to get her things and she could ask him as we went out to the garage to get in the car. Well, let's just say that I have never seen her move so fast. Little Miss desires to have 20 children and be a mom when she grows up. After yesterday, I think she has a future as a District Attorney.
-Why are you watching a movie?
-We never discussed any exceptions?
-Who gave you permission?
-Does everyone know this is happening?
-Aren't you going to stop now?

I mean, she was in full effect. I could hear her as I was approaching the door to the garage just haranguing him. I walk out to the garage and innocently ask, "What's happening out here?" On his bicycle trainer, already breaking a sweat, the good doctor smiles and responds, "Exercise clause." I just chuckle. Little Miss is still going at it. She reasons with me all the way to middle school. By the time she gets out of the car, we are on to something else and all is well.

The day passes and we sit down to dinner last night. The Teen takes the floor and says, "What's this about an exercise clause?" Busted. All over again. I ask how she found out and she reports that Little Miss told her the whole story as soon as she got home from school. Well, it turns out that the only clause that the kids were believing in was the one that starts with Santa.

I've been thinking about this some, though. Is this where the entire family ups their exercise intake so that they can have some media access? I suppose I could ride Kevin's bicycle trainer in the garage. But, I would much prefer the image of him riding and me in a side car. I'm just sayin'.