Day 10: FOMO

I think the tides are turning. The angst was lower yesterday. Little Miss spent the night sleeping over at the cousins home. Peace and joy seemed to be prevailing themes. Well, and the good doctor and I took The Teen to see the new Star Wars movie. (And, it was AWESOME!)

I've been thinking a lot about FOMO since we started this little activity in the Womack family. For those wondering, FOMO is the Fear Of Missing Out. It hasn't made it to Webster's yet, but if you

enter FOMO into your search bar, google has a full definition for it. Several years ago, I had a fraternity president that introduced himself with this as a defining characteristic. At the time, this was a new concept for me and I asked him to tell me what he meant. He shared that he was always up for doing anything with his friends because he never wanted to miss a great moment. He was able to identify that this sometimes meant studying and other relationships were secondary to him. I suppose I appreciated his direct manner, but really had pause to think when it became clear that "being in the heart of everything" was critical to his identity. We talked about it multiple times during the year we worked together. To those reading this that are not college-aged or younger, you may not be surprised to hear that he also ended that year single as a Pringle.

I know that this has been a source of angst for The Teen. Little Miss isn't on Instagram, FB, Snapchat, etc. But, The Teen likes to know what everyone is doing. FOMO isn't even about joining in, it's just about knowing. My almost 43 year old self can look at this situation with some distance and logic. At least once a week I publicly declare to someone, "Thank goodness the internet wasn't invented when I was a kid!" FOMO existed only in your imagination... Because we had no idea what was happening or where anyone was at any given moment. Meet at Ashley's at 7pm was the start of the evening. Curfew was the end. Anything in between was among those that were present. This worry that something was happening that we weren't a part of didn't exist with the same intensity. I try to not address this piece too much with The Teen. It is her reality.

The more significant part of FOMO to our family is the idea of being present. Physically (in the room), Mentally (not checking your phone, listening and talking with others), and Emotionally (not worried about or longing to be somewhere else). This is one that all four of us attempt to do better. Being attentive allows for the flash of emotion across Little Miss' face to be seen. It stops the car ride home from being 3 teenagers all looking at their phones. It allows others to feel important to you. It demonstrates love and commitment. It can make you the center of someone's world for that moment. We all know and acknowledge that fun things are happening in other places. And, we realize that we can also make our own fun by being present with those sitting right around us.


As Advent comes to a close, in the Womack family, we sharpen our focus. In this season, we focus on Hope, Preparation, Joy, and Love as we await the arrival of the Prince of Peace.

Day 9: Family Meeting Without A Net

Last night we celebrated my mother in law having her kitchen cabinets installed. This may not seem like cause for celebration in your world, but they are beautiful and this moment brings her one step

closer to living in her new house. After being dazzled in her kitchen, the five of us headed over to Oggi's for dinner. When the destination was announced, Little Miss immediately started pontificating about how there are televisions EVERYWHERE in that place. And, most importantly, that her sister would be sneaking looks! After several reminders that two parents were enough for The Teen, we set off.


I must admit, Little Miss was not wrong about the access to screens. Oggi's is a sports bar/restaurant, so this was not a surprise like it is in so many other places we frequent. (I feel like a chapter in the theoretical book I will someday write is going to be about how the need for human to human interaction is nearly obsolete.) The dining experience was peppered with loud reminders to not be looking at the televisions, but how could one avoid it? Then, the lightbulb went off. "Hey, I called a family meeting last night and we forgot to have it! Tonite. 8pm. Family room.", declared Little Miss.

There are moments in every parent's journey where you are looking for the nearest hole to crawl into. Those are contrasted with moments that shine. Well, put on your sunglasses - here comes the shine. We returned home and were summoned into the family room and asked to sit down. Little Miss then declared that there was "too much sneaking" happening in this family, herself included. More significantly, this had to stop so that we could all focus on being more kind to one another. While her delivery could have been a little softer and more controlled, she was earnest. I asked her what she was willing to commit to, personally. She thought for a moment and then delivered her commitment to the family. One by one, each of us made a promise to do better, be different. My little leader... 11 years old and already extracting promises from 40-somethings. Well done!

You may be wondering about the title to this post... Yesterday I got to work and got settled at my desk. I opened my handbag and there were the new prescription bottles for the Little Miss' ADHD medication. Ooops. And, the kids were at home all day with the good doctor as he worked from home  on the Christmas Eve message. Sorry, Kev. FHPC friends - don't worry about the quality of future messages... They were secured AT HOME for Day 10.

Day 8: Outed By Zayn

Sunday was rough. Perhaps the special treat of Jurassic Park whet the appetite, but everyone - and I mean everyone - was not in a good place. Little Miss had a friend stay over on Saturday and proudly reported on Sunday morning that she had stayed up all night long. WHHHHHYYYYY? Regardless of the many factors at play, the house was full of female grump-a-dumps. The arguing did not end until we were on the drive home from church (I know, the irony...) and Little Miss declares, "That's it! I'm calling a family meeting!" The car got quiet and I stifled my laughter. "Oh, really? What is our topic, Little Miss?" I catch her eye in the rearview mirror as she boldly proclaims, "This no media business is making everything worse! This family is being mean to each other and arguing too much! Your plan is not working!" The lecturette that followed was outstanding. It was enough to break the mood of snapping at one another for offenses like... breathing too loud. We pulled in the garage and I suggested that everyone take 20 minutes in their room to read, think, pray, draw. (I mean, in addition to the family meeting idea, this was a win.)

We all talked, went to dinner, talked some more, drove around to look at Christmas lights, and talked some more. What? Talking? This is outstanding! Then, it happened. Picture it - a family of 4 driving around La Mesa is their little Subaru station wagon. Hilary Duff Holiday playing on Pandora. Christmas lights and blow up characters being admired. The Teen asks, "Do you know what Dubsmash is?" Well, yes, since I showed it to you. (For those not "in the know" it is an app where you can have famous quotations play and you can film yourself so it looks like you are delivering the quotation in the voice from the movie or song.) "Zayn (formerly of the band One Direction) recorded the funniest Dubsmash. It was blah, blah, blah..." She finishes, Little Miss is into it, merriment continues. Mean Mom asks, "Where did you see that?" And, just like that... Outed  by Zayn. It took her about 3 more streets of lights to confess that she had "glanced at Instagram the other day." Yea - my draw to Zayn isn't that high. Sigh.

Day 9 will be the biggie. Home all day with Dad working from home, school not in session, and no media. As dear Effie says, "And, may the odds be ever in your favor!"

Day 6 & 7: The White Elephant Gift

Apparently this is going to "get better". We still aren't there, but I remain hopeful. Things were pretty busy around the Womack house on Friday evening - both girls had a Christmas party at church. As I shooshed them out the door, dressed as Red Fish and The Lorax, I breathed a sigh of relief. One more day. Done.

I was on pick-up duty from the party. I was pretty proud of myself, I managed to unload two pieces of junk worldly treasures in the annual white elephant exchange among the Jr High and Sr High group. There was a twinkle in Little Miss' eyes at pick-up. She couldn't wait to tell me that The Teen had "stolen" the Jurassic Park DVD series and they were now OURS! I suppose this is big news, but I saw the angst coming about 3 minutes out. On and on she went. "It was so cool; Tommy didn't see it coming; Everyone laughed; I knew she would get it; and WE CAN'T WAIT TO WATCH IT." Oh, wait you will, Little Ones. As we drove home, it dawned on her that watching it was not in her immediate future. It was as if we were in a cartoon and a storm cloud was only above our car. That stinkin' white elephant. He did it again.

In the excitement of The Teen's gift, Little Miss forgot to mention that she won two gift boxes of candy and a mug filled with chocolates. The next morning, I had an early hair appointment and Kevin went on a bike ride. We unplugged the modem (again) so the "sneaking" wouldn't be a temptation. There may have been some mental high fiving at being sharper than the kiddos. When I went to wake Little Miss up the post haircut/10:30am (Day 7), shiny candy wrappers surrounded her silky hair and a Christmas mug balanced on the post of her headboard. Ahhhh. I then turned and nearly tripped over her middle-school issued laptop on her floor. Hmm - neither of these items were present upon tuck the night before. Seems that Little Miss had crawled out of bed in the middle of the night, gathered a "snack" and some entertainment. No need to unplug anything. In the middle of the night, she apparently found the end of the internet and then went to sleep. And, the fast begins again.

We tried to keep busy throughout the day. I must admit, there was less asking for media than in previous days. Since it was Saturday, the good doctor suggested watching one of the new Jurassic Park movies. I agreed and there may have even been some family bonding. Evening closed out with some Barbie playing and laughter. We are close. So close I can almost smell it. Media free living - we're coming for you.

Day 5 - Busted

Yup, it happened. The Womack Family endeavor had a little bump in the road. One member was caught on Netflix during this "media free zone" of our lives. Busted. To me there is only one part of the word "busted" that strikes fear in my heart. And, it is being busted by your kids. The following tale is exactly what happened. Well, according to my overly dramatized imaginative self.

Yesterday we were gathering our things to leave for school. The Teen had already left for her .2 mile walk, so Little Miss and I were collecting our bags, finding shoes, etc. All of sudden she comes running into the kitchen. "Mom, when you said 'no media', I though that was for all of us! Right?" I confirmed her understanding. Two hands immediately met were hips would be if she had them and with all of the indignation she could muster, "Well, then why is DAD watching a movie in the garage?!?!?!" Busted. I assured her that he was not, she assured me he was. I told her to get her things and she could ask him as we went out to the garage to get in the car. Well, let's just say that I have never seen her move so fast. Little Miss desires to have 20 children and be a mom when she grows up. After yesterday, I think she has a future as a District Attorney.
-Why are you watching a movie?
-We never discussed any exceptions?
-Who gave you permission?
-Does everyone know this is happening?
-Aren't you going to stop now?

I mean, she was in full effect. I could hear her as I was approaching the door to the garage just haranguing him. I walk out to the garage and innocently ask, "What's happening out here?" On his bicycle trainer, already breaking a sweat, the good doctor smiles and responds, "Exercise clause." I just chuckle. Little Miss is still going at it. She reasons with me all the way to middle school. By the time she gets out of the car, we are on to something else and all is well.

The day passes and we sit down to dinner last night. The Teen takes the floor and says, "What's this about an exercise clause?" Busted. All over again. I ask how she found out and she reports that Little Miss told her the whole story as soon as she got home from school. Well, it turns out that the only clause that the kids were believing in was the one that starts with Santa.

I've been thinking about this some, though. Is this where the entire family ups their exercise intake so that they can have some media access? I suppose I could ride Kevin's bicycle trainer in the garage. But, I would much prefer the image of him riding and me in a side car. I'm just sayin'.

Day 4 - Distractions & the Puppy Dog Face

Yesterday was a whirlwind, end of the academic semester kind of day. Even if this new plan was not in place, there would have been almost no time for media. After running an errand post-work, I arrived home in time to meet my mother-in-law to attend the Winter Concert for the high school orchestra. My favorite violin player was performing, so the Womack family had to split up between an Advent event at church and a concert in the Cafetorium. (Congrats to PHHS on making a new word!)

We arrived and got settled in our seats, the lights dimmed and all of a sudden I noticed the two kids sitting in front of us. I was trying to control my laughter and take a picture, so you may not be able to

see the ear buds in the one on the left as clearly as I could. I suppose this is one way to express your displeasure for Tchaikovsky. I was mostly, though, hearing Little Miss' voice in my head, "See, Mom, other kids have it!!!" It is true that media is everywhere. There is an entirely separate rant on the limited number of restaurants that we enjoy due to the installation of televisions EVERYWHERE! In full disclosure, the kids took them off at some point during the concert, but the point was made.

The evening wrapped up with all of us arriving home around 8:15pm. Nana and I were sitting in the living room and Little Miss came bursting in the house. At some point, a mild verbal tousle began between the kids. The teen evacuated. Seeing her opportunity, Little One delivered her best puppy dog moment in a long while. You know the puppy dog, no? It's when everything is going wrong and out of nowhere someone delivers, with a sweet little smile, something like, "You're the best, Mom." It is often delivered flawlessly and always in the right moment. Usually I can see it coming. This time, it was a surprise. "You know, I think I like this no media thing. It's really working!" Ha! If our lives had speech bubbles, one would still be hanging over the last fuss. But, that puppy dog - gets me every time. Every. Single. Time.

Day 3 - Bargaining

If there is one thing I know about, it is the stages of grief. Living through my own loss, accompanying others on their journey - this is an area I know well. Last night it occurred to me that I had been thinking about this all wrong. Perhaps it is not just an addiction to media input that we are suffering from. Perhaps it is more like saying goodbye to something you love.

In the beginning - total disbelief that the parental units would come up with and enforce such a ridiculous idea. By yesterday, we were fully settled into anger and tiptoeing into bargaining. One child settled on the sofa and lamented how hard/sad/impossible this was (once again). "What if we..." became the start of many a sentence. The emotion is quite real. Tears. Raised voice. Heated Words. All driving what were major concerns - negotiating how to talk to friends, how to know what is happening. It brought out our own personal version of the emojis above. There is a sincere sense of loss for the kids with this chance. I think a little less for the good doctor and I since we are still online while at work. And, we are wiser older and know that one can survive without all of this business. I haven't resorted to, "When I was your age..." yet - but there are still a lot of days to go.

The night ended with us trying to get both kids to laugh. I may have missed the mark when I offered, "You know, there is a chance that when we reconvene in January that we may decide that this is our new normal." Panic. Fear. Rage. Yup, that about sums it up.

As I had shared, I deleted the Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat apps from my phone. Four different times yesterday I reached for my phone to "check" something online. One was the name of a University where a friend works, one was to show a picture to a colleague, one was to look up the name of a business, and one to post yesterday's blog. Turns out, I am just as dependent as the kiddos. Ouch. That reality stung. Up side is that my regulation of emotion (so far) seems to be more age appropriate.

On a side note, one researcher identifies 7 Stages of Grief. I am only willing to acknowledge 5 so far... My soul can't take 2 more! (Oh, wait... Isn't that Denial?!?) Day 3 is a wrap.

Day 2 - Anxiety Rising

I came home early from work yesterday to finish the preparations for the 35+ person party I was hosting for our staff team. I walked in the door around 4:20pm and by 4:25pm I had one of the kids on my heels. She was following me around the house so closely that I was sure we were going to end up in a collision. I love when my kids want to spend time with me. I love when my kids want to help. Neither of these things were actually what was occurring. This bumper to bumper following was driven by one thing - Access to Media. The questions were non-stop. "Can we watch TV during your party?"; "Why can't this end at the end of December?"; "Are we being punished?"; "Whhhhhhhhyyyyyy?"; "Do you think this is fair?". Then, the loop would begin again. It is with mixed emotions that I share that I lasted almost 25 minutes. Twenty five minutes of answering the loop. Over and over. Then, the mom got mad. Ever seen a mad mom? Not the yelling kind, the deeply quiet and super serious kind. Maybe the sentence, "I need you to stop asking me about this as if it is going to change." came out of my mouth. I also assigned a few more chores to help me, so that broke it up a little as she scampered off to take out the trash.

While kind of funny, I was also a little more worried than I had been the night before. The addiction and detox was real! Anxiety producing and tension creating. Watching it melt down in my kitchen made it all the more affirming that we are headed down the correct path. As I lay in bed last night, I started thinking a little more about it. The tension of the head and the heart. What is going to drive me as a parent, as a partner, as a volunteer, etc.? She was asking for the drive from her heart. I was remembering all the reasons we committed to this in the first place and responding from the head. 

We had the party to distract us all last night. Tonite will be the first night with all of us home together. Fingers crossed for some laughter and fun.

Day 0 and Day 1

No one, and I mean NO ONE, is thrilled about this little experiment rolling around the Womack home. Starting today, December 13th, the four of us are going "media free". We will reconvene the
evening of Monday, January 4th, to talk about our next steps.

So, what does this mean and why... Well, it means no TV, no internet (non-work related/non-Christmas shopping related), and a greater focus on each other. One summer the kids got busted for something and went for a month without it. After the initial detox, they became pretty nice kids to be around. About a week ago, I listened to all of us snapping at each other, whining about things not being just so, and I thought - "enough!". Kevin and I talked about it and agreed to see if living this way might help. The desire to not raise rude children - and not to be a role model for rudeness - seems to be more achievable this way. We also know that the fast-paced stimulation of media negatively impacts Little Miss and her ADHD.

We gave wiggle room for special things - I am hoping the new Star Wars movie is one- but agreed to all focus on each other. This means also not having phones out when we are all home. The Student Ministries room at church has a Tech-No box that all kids drop their phone in upon entry. I tried to lighten the mood by saying our house is a big Tech-No box. It went over as well as you can imagine.

For Day 0, we decided to give the girls unlimited media. Kevin issued a fair warning that it may be harder if they binged the day before a fast. Pfft - what would he know, right? Z woke up early and was watching TV by 6am. She stayed there all stinkin' day! Big girl slept it and then was on her Kindle all day. Today (Day 1) has been rough.

Day 1: Around 4pm, the girls went outside and started chasing each other around with some old balloons. 4 hours inside lamenting and moping before they broke and did something together. Around 5:15pm, Zoe brought over a book we've been talking about and asked if we could read it together. It has also been tough on me. Out of habit, I went to check Facebook several times. Habit, boredom - either way, I was pretty surprised to find it happening. Finally deleted the app from my phone. I've been thinking about writing this journey down, so I am doing a little tonight. Am really hoping to have some time while at work to do this stuff in the future. Kevin's been sick today, so has spent most of the day in bed. Maybe his challenge will be tomorrow. 😉

I was having a hard time getting something to load on my phone. I asked the good doctor if he knew what was happening with the wireless. He smirked and said, "I unplugged the modem." Genius. Looks like it is on, but it is not. No sneaking around here! Three cheers for making it through Day 1!